Brief Video Games Recap

This week I played a bit of both Dungeon Runners for PC and Destroy All Humans 2 for the original Xbox. That statement in itself is a capsule mini-review - and the focus of the statement was on "a bit".

Dungeon Runners is just plain bad. I don't know what they are thinking but I played it for about an hour and frankly I wish I had played Diablo II. Or Guild Wars which is a very similar concept, but a vastly improved execution. The graphics were serviceable, but the UI was clunky and very slow to respond. I seriously think they are communicating move requests to the server - there's a very noticeable lag before your character starts walking forward. There's a weird tongue-in-cheek aspect to it with NPC's in line to get in a dungeon and weapons that are made of cardboard (and have stats like "Speed: Granny"), but none of it hangs together very well. It reeks of artificial spray-on Attitude(tm).

Destroy All Humans 2 was OK, but not very appealing. My review of the first one was sort of tepid and the second one just didn't click. I haven't seen the mini-games that I didn't like in the first one, but somehow it didn't have the charm of the original. I played a few hours of it, and sent it back to Gamefly. If I had bought it I wouldn't have given up then, but it didn't inspire me. The humor has changed a bit in the sequel, it seems almost mean-spirited at time and clearly they decided that dick jokes can substitute for clever writing. "By Arkvoodle's crotch" isn't a very funny exclamation the first time, and it just gets older from there on out. There was also something I really disliked about the presentation this outing: the mission briefings are presented as dialog trees and you have these options to say smartass things instead of asking a pertinent question. But the briefings are sort of long and drawn-out anyway, so I tended to just plow through and not explore the dialog. Which means it had even less humor value.

I can't blame the developer for this but I was also annoyed that it wasn't on the 360 backwards compatability list yet. There weren't that many major Xbox titles released last holiday season that didn't have a 360 SKU - seems like that would have been a worthwhile goal to focus energies on.

So I recommended the first one as a rental only. This one doesn't even really rate that, unless your desperate. It's not unplayably bad, but it's not better than the original.

On the other hand next week is both Crackdown and Supreme Commander for PC. I've already ordered Crackdown and I have high hopes for Supreme Commander - I was a huge Total Annihilation fan back in the day. Of course TA: Four Kingdoms wasn't that great and I don't have any friends who are likely to want to try Supreme Commander online but we'll see. And I do have some luscious new PC hardware to spin games on . . . .


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XBLA is a tease

Following last week's release of Root Beer Tapper on Xbox Live Marketplace, Microsoft is releasing another arcade classic revolving around an unsung profession this Wednesday--Paperboy.

Paperboy gets tossed this week - Xbox 360 News at GameSpot

Look, Paperboy is a fine game, and I've got nothing against Root Beer Tapper. But this current batch of XBLA games has Worms in it. Real honest to god 2D worms with online multiplayer and all the Xbox Live frippery (voice chat, custom soundtracks).

I had to drive all over Virginia back in the day to get a copy of Worms for the original Playstation (Sony almost didn't approve the game for US release because they were pushing 3d so hard at the time.) The MAMBA Kings played the crap out of that for many months - I still have both the game AND the high score table and everyone's custom team on a memory card.

So I'm begging the Live folks - while I love me some old-school arcade action on the 360 put a hold on it for one week at get Worms out the door. Well actually two weeks - Settlers of Catan is also on the short list for release and I want that as well. Then you can go back to the old arcade things that I already have on MAME and/or a Playstation One compilation disc.

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Mmmm, beer

Right thinking individuals know that one of the great things about Santa Cruz is 99 beers - where the have Young's Double Chocolate Stout on draft. But it's not always convenient to get to Santa Cruz and when you go somebody has to drive back over the hill. At the last Game Day Brian.NET brought a revelation - Young's Double Chocolate Stout is available in 4 packs of tall cans that come with the nitro widget for a creamy, stable head. (URMKHOG) And they actually carry this in the local Beverages & More!


I was surprised to realize that BevMo had it and it took a minute to figure out why I didn't know this before. I don't usually shop in the "Import Beer" aisle there for a couple of reasons. One is that it's the same aisle as the cold 12-packs of Bud Light and in a cursory glance it looks like it can be skipped. The other one is that the German section tends to be a bit . . . dusty. So I usually only shop the "Craft Beer" aisle which is where they keep the microbrews - the Deschutes, the Fat Tire, Blue Moon and so forth. But the British section seems to have several of these cans+nitro distributions. Good to know.

It's a little pricey - a four pack costs more than the other six packs I was grabbing (and if you like IPA's they have the Deschutes seasonal IPA (Inversion) on sale! Mmmmmm.) But it's a lot more convenient than driving to Santa Cruz!

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Live by the Ironic Sword . . .

So I went on record recently at a Game Day as saying that I saw no reason to use Perl in modern times - that Perl had been supplanted by Python or Ruby. After spending all day yesterday getting my head back into "Perl mode" - I've got both the Llama and Camel open on my desk right now, I'd like to amend my statement. Amongst the many perfectly valid reasons to use Perl you might end up needing a CPAN library to get something done. If the Irony Gods are listening I'm sorry and I'll try not to tempt you again!

Perl's syntax is twisted, and it's made even worse by my insistence on use strict; And of course everything I wanted to do was crazy syntactic juju. "OK, so we've got a reference to a hash of arrays of hashes. And what we want to do is iterate through one of the arrays, and store each hash in a DIFFERENT array, in a different order." You can make that work in one compact foreach although Perl will complain about using a hash value as an array index, but it looks ridiculous. At one point I seriously wrote $rows[%{$item}->{sequence}] = {$item}; And that made sense. And it still does this morning, but give me six months of non-Perling and it will be gibberish. And don't get me started on the fact that you don't declare $rows, but really declare @rows (and in fact you can declare $rows - which will bear no relation to $rows[0], which any sane language would write as @rows[0] anyway). I also quite enjoy the fact that the "reference to a hash of arrays of hashes" came out of a library that calls itself (with a straight face) "XML::Simple". What could be simpler really?

So yeah. All these because the Ruby port of the WriteSpreadsheet module writes out Excel 95, and I need Excel 2000 format. So I also blame Excel.

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More on Moore

So I was gonna blog about reading some Christopher Moore books recently, but I discovered that I did blog about him here. Which is handy, because I was trying to remember how I found Chritopher Moore in the first place. Hey thanks for the historical info Tim-from-the-past. I'll totally go put the keys beside the police station for you!

Anyway, Amazon a while back had wanted to me buy You Suck at some crazy 30% discount. I meant to, but I was vaguely aware it was a sorta-sequel to another book I hadn't read, and we were hip-deep in Christmas stuff so I was busy anyway and so on. Then Karin went to the bookstore and brought home a copy of Bloodsucking Fiends that she had gotten on a sale table. So I told her "y'know that's a sequel right?" (Yeah I was confused. And now my overly literal chronological nature has passed the confusion onto you! Here at HiddenJester we work in confusion WHOLESALE!) So once that got all straightened out I ordered You Suck, as well as A Dirty Job - one part Amazon's "Buy this with that" program and one part because I already had that on my "to-buy" list. Which turns out AGAIN to be serendipitous because the two recent books overlap a bit. So my suggestion is to A) read these books, and B) read them in this order: Bloodsucking Fiends, A Dirty Job, and lastly You Suck.

Christopher Moore is an odd author. To my mind he is clearly writing science fiction - there are angels, vampires, people who can control whales, etc. (not all in the same book thank goodness), but he's not in the SF section. I think the literary fiction people would call it "magical realism, but as far as I can tell "magical realism" just means "this is sci-fi or fantasy but we want to read it so it's something different". But his books are light fun, so I can put down the chip about him not being filed properly in the Sci-Fi ghetto and just read them.

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