The Adventures of Captain Arcolier, Part Seven

(Welcome back. In our last installment Captain Arcolier had used a desperate gambit and launched an engine pod as an impromptu animatter missile. She succeeded in hitting the enemy ship, but had she struck so hard to destroy the ship and kill One-Eye and the First Marines? If you're new to our tale you'll want to start here.)      One-Eye dropped another Cantrellan soldier and took advantage of the brief respite to survey the combat. A unit of Marines was ten able bodies, counting the Sergeant. Eleven men would have been sufficient to take possession of a civilian freighter, but they were badly outnumbered aboard a Navy vessel. Two Marines had been wounded already and one looked like it might be fatal. Luckily access to the small bay was limited and their initial attack had seized the space around Assault Pod One. Sergeant Riker and his men could likely hold the access hatchway for a time, unless the Cantrellans quit playing chivalrously and gassed the bay. Hell they could simply shut the blast doors and vent the bay to space, if they wanted to simply murder the First Marines. One-Eye's only real hope was that Captain Arcolier could rescue them. And that likely meant getting Assault Pod One spaceworthy again. He shot a quick glance over at Sergeant Riker whose bulk nearly filled the access hatchway completely. "Sergeant, can you hold the access while I attempt some quick repairs? I'll need one man to assist."      Riker snapped off a crisp military nod while never taking his eyes from the hatchway. "Yessir! Michaels! Help the XO patch up the boat. Rodriguez! Step up to the plate and help me gut any Cantrellan fool enough to peek around that corner. Wilson, see what you can do for the wounded."      One-Eye nodded companionably at Michaels as the burly Marine saluted and looked over at the patch of hull that hovered to the side of the pod. Trailers of retardant foam clung to it, wavering in the gentle airflow. "Reckon we can weld that back in place, sir?"      "That's my hope," One-Eye said and broke off as Stinky Pete cried "Away!" in his earpiece. "Oh shit, they didn't . . . everyone grab some deck!" One-Eye suited action to words and dove to the deck, grabbing a pair of handles and dialing his boots up to maximal magnetic grip. He studied the floating hunk of hull closely, nervous about being so close to a large unrestrained mass. Around him the Marines all hit the deck and just in time as a massive explosion rocked the Cantrellan ship. The lighting flickered out and the air fans shut off briefly, leaving a deep silence in the darkness. The silence spoke of death in a shipboard environment, in a place where mechanical hums always lurked under conscious notice. These noises and hums were a womb to seasoned spacers; a subliminal promise of oxygen, of life, and of keeping the void at bay. A long moment passed before the fans restarted and red emergency lights flickered back on.      One-Eye exhaled in a long relieved breath as the ship's systems spun back into life. His earpiece still crackled static, telling him that communications with the Revenge were still offline. He carefully stood back up and surveyed the bay. The hull piece had struck Assault Pod One instead of any of the Marines and most of the Marines had successfully battened down before the impact. One of the casualties had been unconscious, and One-Eye groaned as he saw the broken ragdoll body stuck in the V joint of a girder above him. There had been several Cantrellan bodies left from the intense fight and the resultant gore smeared many of the walls and bulkheads. He nodded at Michaels again as he carefully walked over to the hull piece. "Let's get this patched back on, double-time. If the Cantrellans are still on emergency power we should be able to escape without getting tractored in."      The trick to zero-g repairs was to respect mass. That missing hull segment was weightless in zero-g and relatively easy to move, but it still had mass and it still had inertia. If it built up velocity it could easily crush a person. And they had to guide it back into place where the Cantrellans had cut it aside, and stop it at precisely the right moment - while under battle conditions and working fast. It was far from an ideal situation, but it was the best chance One-Eye figured they were likely to get and he dove in without hesitation.      Michaels and One-Eye got the piece in motion, creeping along with glacial speed. One-Eye longed to move it faster but he knew this was a matter for slow and steady, not for a sprint. It took several agonizing minutes to get it to the gash in the hull, and then they had to slow it to a stop and carefully rotate it until it fit the gap. A metal clash rang out from the hatchway where Sergeant Riker engaged a fresh group of Cantrellans, but One-Eye had attention only for the ponderous task at hand. He heaved a huge sigh of relief as the piece slid into place with a satisfying deep thump. Before One-Eye could speak Michaels opened the proper airlock and was retrieving the field repair kits. These kits contained small patches, some goop that could be used to seal minor punctures, and a small welding torch with self-contained oxygen reservoir.      One-Eye's earpiece crackled back into life with a burst of static. ". . . calling First Marines. Repeat, this is the Beauteous Revenge calling First Marines" came the welcome drone from Stinky Pete.      "Aye, laddie it's good to hear you," replied One-Eye with a relieved chuckle. "We're seeing if we can patch up the Pod here, what's your status?"      "We're into electro-grapple range now and the Captain wants to know if she should board?" Stinky Pete said. "One tick and we'll have the video feed back online."      Michaels slapped a repair kit into One-Eye's hands and began slathering sealant goop on one side of the cut. One-Eye cracked open his kit and mimicked the repairs on the far side. "I'd advise waiting. They seem to be on emergency power here. If we can reseal the pod, we should be able to escape in ten minutes or so. Can you see the status of their main powerplants?"      "Aye XO," Stinky Pete said with concern. "The engine must have caused a feedback surge when it hit the tractor unit. It looks like their primary plant exploded. But we see signs of a secondary plant coming online now. If they have a second tractor unit you may not have ten minutes."      "Acknowledged. Give us what you can and we'll be out of the potty as soon as we're able." One-Eye bent to his welding with a vengeance, ignoring the combat raging a few feet behind him.
(Tune in next week to see if One-Eye can get launched before the Cantrellans get their powerplant online!)
(See the next installment!)
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I have seen the Lite!

So this DS Lite? Holy crap, it doesn't even look like the same console. While I was out and about today I stopped in at a Target to check out a demo unit. I knew it was smaller and I knew the screens were brighter, yadda, yadda. But this isn't just a matter of brightness, the colors seem about twice as saturated, no kidding. And you know how the lower screen (the one with the touch screen) on a DS is sort of muddy and rainbow-y ? Not so on the DS Lite. I fully expected to say "Yeah, whatever." like when the GB Micro came out. Instead I bought two. (And on the stupid "There are shortages! Oh my! You should have pre-ordered one." theme I'll note that Target had a stack of them, no bundling, no attempts to sell me an extended warranty, just two units, a game (Tetris DS for the summer-bound girl of the house) and we're outta here.) Target seems to be a much better game store than EB or Gamestop these days. A sad comment but true. Anyway, if you have DS games you play I highly recommend a DS Lite. The screens are like PSP-level clear and saturated (although still lower res). It's an amazing difference. Remember when the GBA SP came out and the GBA looked all shoddy? It's that level of difference (in my case I'd say the DS-DS Lite difference was greater than the GBA-GBA SP difference, but that's only because I had installed an Afterburner light pipe in my GBA.)
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The Adventures of Captain Arcolier, Part Six

(Welcome back. In our last installment One-Eye and Sergeant Riker had begun to fight the Cantrellans while waiting for Captain Arcolier to come to the rescue. If you're new to our tale you'll want to start here.)      Captain Arcolier drummed her fingers impatiently on the arm of her chair, silently studying the tactical display and willing the Revenge to close with the Cantrellan destroyer. In the upper right corner One-Eye's viewpoint swam nauseatingly as he jumped through the impromptu Cantrellan hatch. She watched the opening blows of the combat with a fraction of her attention, but she knew One-Eye and the First Marines could handle themselves for a while. The problem was making sure she could arrive before the Cantrellans overwhelmed the marines with superior numbers. Making a sudden decision she clicked her pointer opposite the bay where Assault Pod One had vanished. "Port Battery. If you have a clear shot take it. The intent is not to cripple, but let's see if we can push her around a bit."      She frowned slightly as she continued to speak. "But only take it if it's a clear shot. Remember that we have crew on that bay opposite. Anybody who holes that bay had better hope they can breathe vacuum, because they'll ride home on the outside of the ship. Clear?"      She clicked One-Eye's viewport. It brightened slightly and she knew she spoke both to One-Eye and the Marines fighting aboard the unnamed destroyer. "Brace yourselves lads. We're going to give that wallowing hog of a ship a bit of a love tap. With any luck it will be a bumpy ride." One-Eye was too busy to respond but Captain Arcolier knew they would be ready when the impact hit. As One-Eye drew his sword back into a ready position the tactical display showed a crimson trace connecting the Revenge to the enemy destroyer. One-Eye's viewport tilted crazily as the destroyer shook violently. The seasoned Marines rode out the shock, knees flexing as they bobbed like cork boats sailing a choppy sea. Unfortunately the Cantrellan opponents were too canny for such a maneuver and rode out the shaking with equal aplomb.      Stinky Pete's station chimed and a small icon pulsed on the left edge of the main viewport. Captain Arcolier snapped her attention to Stinky Pete who frowned as his fingers raced over his keys. "Incoming transmission Cap'n. It's from the frigate."      She nodded sharply and took a deep breath as the icon swelled into the center area. As it grew it cross-faded from the stock communication blip into the face of a Cantrellan military captain. A sneer dominated his aquiline features as he huffed pompously. "Temper temper. You'll need longer claws than that to scare me. Might I suggest you surrender now, before anybody gets hurt?"      Captain Arcolier scowled and stood upright, drawing her rapier in the same smooth motion. As she pointed it at the camera the decking underfoot trembled and she stumbled, taking a small step to regain her balance. A muted klaxon sounded from a station behind her and warning diagnostic icons flared into life on the left edge of the screen. "Multiple laser hits!" Stinky Pete announced unnecessarily.      "Tsk," huffed the Cantrellan. "I already saw your cheap theatrics when you thought you faced an unarmed freighter. They won't impress an officer of Her Majesty's Imperial Navy. If you persist in foolishly threatening me and my ship I'll gut your ragtag little vessel. Don't believe for a moment that those were full power. Or that we don't have missile batteries. This ship is fully armed and completely operational, I assure you. Again I ask for your surrender. Come now, there's no need to be barbaric."      Captain Arcolier glared at the gloating Cantrellan officer, her lips compressed into a thin angry line. "You Cantrellans are all alike. Under pressure you act like cornered rats, but get the upper hand for even a second and you turn into the smuggest bastards the galaxy has ever seen." She scanned the the smaller images ringing the display, hoping that Stinky Pete had enough foresight to . . . Yes! a small orange icon pulsed in the upper left corner, just awaiting her approval. She made a show of slumping her shoulders and slowly replacing her rapier in it's sheath. As she maneuvered she unobtrusively clicked her pointer on the icon. As she sat back down William executed the order and the Revenge bucked sideways, sliding at full delta-V as the craft swung onto an escape vector.      Stinky Pete jabbed at his console triumphantly, crowing "Away!" as the Cantrellan gaped in surprise and rage at the sudden shift. Just as Captain Arcolier had hoped a tractor beam speared out from the destroyer, ostensibly to catch the now-fleeing Revenge. A small bit of luck was all they needed and the gods came through once more for the daring pirates. The Revenge had three main engines, all mounted on remote pylons away from the main body of the ship. This was a safety feature - keeping the antimatter safely away from the main hull. Stinky Pete had reprogrammed one engine pod to detach and aim straight back at the destroyer. The tractor beam caught the engine instead of the main ship and the full burn of the engine caused it to close with the destroyer almost unbelievably fast. William wrenched the ship around again, revving the remaining engines hard to compensate for their missing brother. Just as the engine impacted into the tractor beam barrel Stinky Pete collapsed the magnetic containment field. The antimatter hit the matter just as the kinetic force of the engine itself crumpled in the hull. A brilliant white flash erupted from the side of the Cantrellan ship and the comm signal cut off, as did the signal from One-Eye's feed.      Jaimie watched without breathing, waiting for the sensor overload to clear and to reestablish visual contact. One question remained: Had they destroyed the entire ship and doomed One-Eye and the Marines with it?
(Tune in next week to see if there are any First Marines left to rescue!)
(See the next installment!)
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Alas, poor Yorick

A while back there was a request for me to talk more about the 360 now that I've had it for a while. Glad to oblige, eventually! But this discussion must be peppered with sadness for tomorrow my 360 goes out for warranty service. I've seen occasional freezes in several games, but it's gotten really bad in GRAW (Ghost Recon Advanced Warrior) multiplayer. I've been playing GRAW in cooperative mode exclusively, and at first I only played two or the rare three player games (due to lack of friends with 360s). As Tony and I harassed more people into buying one we got larger groups, and last week we had four and five player games. Except it turns out my 360 will pretty consistently freeze in a five player game - pretty much guaranteed it will happen before 10 minutes elapse. There's no blinking lights, no error messages, just the screen freezes and the controller input is ignored. I have to power-cycle the machine with the main power button. I thought at first it was an overheating problem, but it happens with the box sitting out on the hardwood floor with PLENTY of ventilation. So, it's still under warranty and back it goes. I was humored with my first tech support call to Microsoft - as their support database was down. I figure they probably use IIS for their web server :-) But the second call went pretty smooth, they sent me a box and shipping label for sending the box back. I should get a replacement unit in a couple of weeks, so that's not too bad. Having said all that, what do I think of the console? I like it a lot, but the game selection is still pretty limited. If you don't want to play a FPS or a driving game it would be difficult to recommend the machine right now. The Live implementation is fabulous, and the recent dashboard update makes it even better. I can turn on the machine, start my custom soundtrack and queue up some files for background download. Then I can go play an arcade title while the files DL in the background, until somebody shows up in my friend list. We can voice chat, pick out a game, switch to the game and the downloads automatically pause when we go online. (Mind you, the custom music streamed from my Mac survives all of these mode shifts.) We can play a game (likely GRAW) for a few hours, then wind up with some more casual play in the Live Arcade. Both Billiards and Uno are surprisingly fun as a way to wind down after a few hours fighting terrorists. What games would I recommend for the machine?
  • Oblivion
  • PGR3
  • GRAW
From the Arcade:
  • Geometry Wars
  • Joust
  • Billiards
  • Marble Blast Ultra
  • Uno
The jury is still out on DoA4 - I've only tried it online once and we had some problematic connection issues (couldn't get a three player game working right.) Kameo was fun, but not epic. Perfect Dark Zero was pretty disappointing. I really liked Call Of Duty 2 for a while, but I started having some crashy problems with it (which might be my console's fault).
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Taking the "Happy" out of the "Meal"

Has everybody seen this McDonald's Interactive thing? If not, go read it, I'll wait. In essence, McDonald's has this interactive sim arm that was created to train up-and-coming management. And those guys built some hyper-complex fast food chain simulator where the managers can face off against each other. And apparently it was fun, and things were going well. Enough so that they started plugging new modules, simulating more complex economics, etc. And then somebody added a climate simulation. Turns out the best strategies for maximizing McDonald's profits work great for a while and then destroy the planet. Oops. So what now? They futz with the sim for a while, and apparently ultimately decide it's not buggy - that it is correctly projecting the outcome of growing a bazillion cows and mowing down the Amazon to feed them. Now the key bit: McDonald's wouldn't listen. So apparently the McDonald's Interactive divison has up and left the parent company (I'm not clear how - and this might be all in Britain for even more confusion). They futzed with their simulation for a while and finally found that building up some harsh "legislation" to basically rein in the robber barons made the simulation sustainable - and eventually did good things to the global economy and reduced world hunger. But it's not profitable. The whole thing halfway reads like a bizarre marketing ploy. I guess the question is to see what they do next. But really, go read the link - it's fascinating stuff. If they are for real then I wish them well. Update 6/6/06 7:35 AM The consensus at Kotaku is that this is a hoax of some ilk. But there was a McDonald's Presentation from a"Strategic Communication Manager" at the Serious Games Summit. (This invalidates one argument presented at Kotaku - which is that Googling for the name of the guy produces no hits.) Alice at Wonderland has a dump of notes from a friend who was at the speech and the notes sound pretty similar - although it seems to say the guy still works at McD's and plans on making a ruckus until he gets fired. Stranger and stranger!
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