Free Associating

Chris Roberson writes a sentiment that had occurred to me although he writes it with far more eloquence than I would have. To wit: "Just how the hell is one third of 2006 already gone?!" On that note I noted with great glee yesterday that no magazines with a 2005 cover date remain in my magazines-to-be-read holder. And as of this morning I have no more than three issues of any given title to read. I will triumph over the to be read pile. I will, because I must. Today's magazine was the Jan 2006 issue of Locus which focused on Canadian Sci-Fi. There was an interview with Dave Duncan, who I've never read but I quite enjoyed the interview. My favorite bit was this:
As for anyone who doesn't believe in evolution, ask them how they got there -- because they probably came in a car, driven on gasoline, which comes from oil. I was an oil geologist, and I know that they couldn't have found that oil without using stratigraphy, which is based on index fossils, which require evolution. So they shouldn't drive cars if they don't believe in evolution, right? If God created everything all at once, then God was lying. (emphasis in original)
In other media consumption, I accidentally forgot to put a Babylon 5 disc at the top of my Netflix queue so I got Lost in La Mancha instead. Has everyone else seen this already? It's a bit slow to start but it's interesting viewing. Looks like it would have been a great film as well, had it been made. The part that really caught my attention is about an hour in. They've had a disastrous first week of production, a flash flood, unexpectedly heavy jet traffic overhead, and to top it off the star has fallen ill and can't ride a horse. The head staff regroup on the weekend and the producers have a solution, because that is what producers do - solve things. The producers want to fire the first assistant director. Not that he did anything wrong you understand, just that it's traditional to fire the 1st AD if shooting goes poorly. WTF? How does something that insane become industry practice? (There's more producer-based comedy scattered throughout, mainly of the "We're on hold, so do work, but don't spend any money" variety.) The second WTF moment is at the conclusion. The final outcome is that the insurance company now owns the film and Terry Gilliam will need to buy it back from them if he attempts to make the film. Isn't that fabulous? After all, who is a better caretaker for a creative concept than an insurance firm?
Read more

The Adventures of Captain Arcolier, Part Four

(Welcome back. In our last installment Captain Arcolier had discovered that the supposed civilian frigate was actually a disguised Cantrellan destroyer. She attempted evasive action just as a false bulkhead broke off and was hurtled right at the Beauteous Revenge. If you're new to our tale you'll want to start here.)      Captain Arcolier called for evasive action a split second too late. The false hull was abnormally massive, as it was designed to serve this exact purpose. On the one hand it slowed down the trojanned destroyer, making it maneuver like a pregnant guppy. On the other hand after it was jettisoned it might work in precisely this case - a secret projectile aimed at the brash pirate who dared lock it with a tractor beam. The energy dumped into the hull by the Revenge's own tractor beams now propelled the masking shell towards the pirate ship. Jaimie's intuitive leap meant the modern-day cestus struck a glancing hit instead of the the crippling strike the Cantrellan engineers envisioned but it was still a mighty blow. The hull of the Beauteous Revenge rang like a bell as the heavy mass struck aft. The Revenge spun erratically as the delta-vee was imparted, and Captain Arcolier reflexively gripped her armrests as the bridge wobbled erratically.

     "One-Eye! That ship is a trojan. I'd expect Imperial Forces to greet you soon. We'll be there as soon as we can, but I'm afraid you'll be on your own for a bit. Acknowledge!" Captain Arcolier knew this fight wasn't over, and the best ratings came from tight battles. She wasn't licked yet, not by a long shot, and her communique was cool and collected. Her stomach told the lie here, as acid boiled away and etched into her awareness. Luckily nobody had managed to develop true nerve system recordings yet, so as long as her face remained impassive her fans would never know what burned inside her gut.

     The display from Assault Pod One flashed brighter as One-Eye spoke, raising an eyebrow sardonically at his Captain. "Oh a trojan? Y'think? I'll alert the Marines. We'll need the calvary soonish. Bring it, would you? Thanks!" Through his entire spiel his hands never stopped flying over the control boards, trying every trick in the book and a few that had never been written down. If anyone could break the tractor beam, One-Eye would bring it home. Even in these dire straits he never stopped playing to the cameras. Jaimie smiled inwardly, even as her stomach roiled from the sacrifice her crew was making. One-Eye was a trouper, in all senses of the word and she knew the First Marines would play along. How could their Captain do anything less? The show must go on and she'd be damned if some crazy Cantrellan plot would bring the Revenge low.

     "Damage Report. Status?" Captain Arcolier rapped out in her famous ice-cold tones. Fanboys in dozens of systems would eat this up. All she had to do was make this out alive.

     Stinky Pete chuckled quietly to himself. One day he'd see the jam that would crack Cap'n Arcolier's cold reserve, but this? This was a walk in the park! Who did the Cantrellans think they were dealing with? "Engineering reports no significant damage. Electro-shielding absorbed most of the impact, and ablative shielding took the rest. Oh, Tammy says that ablative is down five percent. Shall I order some more padding?"

     Jaimie smiled wryly to herself, despite the dire situation. Stinky Pete was almost too much of a ham to bear. If he wasn't such a genius at his board she'd have to scold him. But he was a genius and enough talent excused any amount of showboating. And besides, Stinky Pete always tested in the top five 'Q' ratings for her bridge crew. He'd never be his own captain, but a sizable crowd followed his exploits. And truthfully, in her secret heart of hearts there was a tiny little voice of doubt that Pete always reassured.

     "Alright my pretties, I think the Cantrellans have shown their claws. Maybe we should show ours. Close and engage. I want to see One-Eye and the First Marines come home safe. Oh, and whoever is controlling that? I'd like to see him in our brig. Make that happen would you?" Jaimie made a show of stretching luxuriously in her padded chair as she highlighted the revealed destroyer with her pointer. Oh that stretch! Jaimie smiled inwardly, knowing that she just provided all sorts of mental fodder to underaged youth in all of the central systems. Her hair could go take a flying flattish leap - she was on fire today, and this recording would smoke up the sales charts! Assuming One-Eye made it back she would easily gross enough to cover any repairs and refueling.

     The pilot was just a young whelp of an ensign, freshly recruited, and he stuttered out his call for full thrust. Tammy in engineering flickered into view in a corner of the viewscreen as the Revenge leapt forward. "Full thrust? William? You sure you can handle what I can put out?" Tammy chuckled throatily as the young pilot blushed crimson. Tammy locked eyes with Jaimie and arched an eyebrow. "Seriously Cap'n. How do you find them so young and innocent? You know I love it!"

     Jaimie threw her head back in a full-throated guffaw. "Down girl! I promised his Ma we wouldn't hurt him. Get us into grapple in the next minute and I promise you an extra week of shore leave. Hell, I'll go with you. Haven won't know what hit them, but we'll have a full squad of new marines when we launch. That's a Captain's Promise there lassie!"

     Tammy tugged a raven forelock in a mock salute. "Aye, aye Cap'n! It's a date!" her screen faded out as William swallowed ineffectually and continued to guide the Revenge into Electro-Grapple range. Jaimie returned her attention to the tactical display as the icon representing the Revenge leapt forward. The destroyer wasn't likely to escape but it was doubtful that was the Cantrellan goal anyway. One-Eye and the First Marines would take the brunt of the fighting that was about to break out. It looked like all his evasion was for naught and the Cantrellans would be burning through the hatch within a minute. The Revenge wouldn't even be in range for the Electro-Grapple for another three at best. It was probably a good ten minutes before she could bring additional forces into the melee.

     A clang rang in Assault Pod One as the Cantrellans clamped firm. One-Eye threw up his hands in disgust and powered down the piloting board. "Sergeant Riker! Looks like we earn our booty today. Prepare for hostiles!" One-Eye unclasped his crash webbing and leapt up from his seat. Fast as he was, he marveled at the speed of the Marines who were already lined up and warily scanning the hatch. A thin acetylene blade of fire jetted through the hole, hissing as the unseen welder began to carve an impromptu entrance.
(Tune in next week to see if Captain Arcolier can rescue One-Eye and the first Marines before the Cantrellans overwhelm Assault Pod One.)
(See the next installment!)
Read more

Stuff (but no things)

All kinds of stuff to discuss today! I'm not even gonna try to make it thematic, just blurb 'em out. 1) Battlestar prequel announced. SciFi will be doing a series concerning the creation of the original Cylons. It will be called Caprica. Color me tentatively excited, although it sounds like a better mini-series concept to me. And I'm worried about the "family drama" quotes - I don't really want to see Dallas or Knot's Landing in space. And given that I think the second half of season two was weaker, the concept of splitting Ron Moore's focus even further could have some downside. But I'll have faith for now. 2) Wii think the the name is stupid. Nintendo renames the perfectly usuable Revolution to Wii. You know what - I'm tired of kicking Nintendo around. I'll assume this makes sense in Japan - to my ears it's just stupid sounding. This is the textural equivalent of the Gamecube's industrial design. It's like Nintendo always has to do something to make your feel vaguely embarrassed to even have their console in your AV system. 3) Oblivion continues to rock. I'm like 18 hours into Oblivion and the "time to giant spider counter" is still running - a possible record for a fantasy RPG. (Were there giant spiders in Morrowind? I don't remember any.) There might be some in Oblivion, I've spent more time in towns than dungeon crawling. Oblivion's disc however is giving me fits. I rented it from Gamefly, as is my way these days and played several hours. Then I started having trouble in towns - it would noticeably freeze before playing certain voice clips. Then I found several shopkeepers where talking them would actually cause the game to kick back to the Dashboard with a "the disc is dirty" message. I took it out and noticed it was pretty badly scratched. So I sent it back to Gamefly and bought a copy at Best Buy. Well, that was great until a couple of days ago the "disk is dirty" behavior started happening again. I took the disc out and noticed it has a faint set of circular scratches. I don't think I put those there, but I can't say 100% I didn't. I finally buffed it with the GameDoctor, but now it's sort of iffy whether the 360 will read it. Sometimes it doesn't read at all, and sometimes it reads as a DVD-Video disc (which plays a movie saying "put this in your Xbox 360 console". Thanks guys!). But if it does boot then it seems fine, so I guess I'm slightly ahead - although nervous my $60 disc is going to crap out entirely.
Read more

The Adventures of Captain Arcolier, Part Three

(Welcome back. In our last installment Captain Arcolier had dispatched One-Eye and a crew of Marines to board the hapless frigate. If you're new to our tale you'll want to start here)      Captain Arcolier brooded from her perch in the center of the bridge. The raid so far was textbook perfect - almost too perfect. The escorts were out of the action, the prey was firmly tractored in position, and the Marines would be boarding in just a few minutes. Her biggest worry should be that this raid was going to be too dull, not enough to keep a fan's interest. But she couldn't shake a feeling of impending doom, of something that wasn't right. She shook her head minutely, annoyed at herself. Here she was, the most notorious pirate of the Far Reaches and she's jumping at shadows like some wrung out old washerwoman! She resolved to focus more on the situation at hand just as Stinky Pete blipped a comm alert onto the main screen.

     "Cap'n, incoming transmission from the frigate. Shall I acknowledge?"

     Jaimie took a quick moment to review herself, making sure the pirate image was firmly in place before responding. She straightened her sleeves slightly and made sure the cuffs were aligned perfectly before nodding curtly at Stinky Pete. Her eyes stayed fixed forward as the tactical display shrunk into the lower left corner and the strobing comm alert swelled to fill the screen. A standard communications header blinked out and was replaced with the nervous visage of a mercantile captain. He started to stutter something ineffectual, but Jaimie cut him off dramatically.

     "You face Captain Arcolier and the Beauteous Revenge. Yield your goods and ship to us or face certain doom!" She smoothly drew her rapier and pointed it at the viewscreen, the tip unerringly pointed at the captain's projected eye. The entire comm system was rigged to make this image work in reverse, and there was a special light programmed to track her rapier, giving the tip an evil, sparking glow. Jaimie had spent hours practicing this move, and calibrating the camera and lights to make this shot as menacing as possible. It often paid off and it did this time, as the stuttering sheep of a captain fell silent and visibly gulped in fear.

     "Carruther and Son's has a standard ransom policy and I'd be more than happy . . . " the captain bleated, his eyes never leaving that shining point, the manifest symbol of his impending doom.

     Captain Arcolier cut off his nattering and even as she spoke she began to subtly move the rapier point in a arc. It was almost subliminal, barely noticeable and yet utterly hypnotic. Her market research showed this motion held attention better and upped her menace levels, while going unnoticed by over ninety-eight percent of the observers. Her episodes aired with multiple angles and during these segments a sizable percentage of consumers chose to see her from the transmission perspective, seeing the holos as the victim saw them. She knew this was pure theater but if theater bought reaction mass for the Revenge then she was happy to use it. "We're not interested in your ransom, we're interested in your cargo. Your cargo and your ship."

     "B-b-b-but . . . M-M-Mister Carruthers . . . ." Captain Arcolier made a chopping motion with her free hand and Stinky Pete broke the transmission, cutting the stutter off mid-gabble. The tactical display slid smoothly back into predominance. Assault Pod One had almost closed the distance, although it wasn't visible to the naked eye at the scale of the display. The display was fed from from a remote satellite and the Frigate dwarfed the Revenge, much less a tiny Assault Pod. The computer enhancement magnified an area of space around the Pod though, and through that little mockup ring Captain Arcolier could see precise bursts of attitude jets as One-Eye flipped the Pod around to begin deceleration.

     "First Assault Pod - status report." Captain Arcolier spoke with a clipped precision, coolly surveying all the displays at her disposal. The corner view of One-Eye brightened slightly as he spoke.

     "Textbook approach so far Cap'n. I've just finished reorienting for braking, and I anticipate hull contact in two minutes." One-Eye didn't even look up as he spoke and his hands flew over the instrument panels, constantly tweaking and nudging the approach vector to be more to his liking.

     Captain Arcolier nodded. "Carry on then. Make us all proud." She turned in her seat, looking to side where Stinky Pete manned the communications board. "Any surrender yet?"

     Stinky Pete scowled and shook his head. "No Cap'n. We've had no communication since you spoke to the mark."

     Jaimie furrowed her brow as she contemplated that. Most mercantile captains took a few seconds to consider their situation, wet their pants, and then surrender. Radio silence almost implied a hidden reservoir of backbone. She returned to studying the tactical display as her feeling of disquiet returned in double strength. This time though . . . she frowned as she grabbed her pointer and clicked at a portion of the frigate's bow. The display zoomed in, until the blunt hammerhead shape of the frigate's forward hold filled her viewscreen. She scrolled the view aft and suddenly stopped. Her face paled for an instant as she delicately traced an odd seam in the hull. "Shit! Full combat alarms! One-Eye, get your ass back here. That ship is a decoy! A feint! Tractor beam, disengage immediately!"

     Bedlam erupted in the ship, as the lights dimmed even further and a muted klaxon began to cycle. The tactical view zoomed back to the default setting where the zoomed view showed Assault Pod One already in a hard burn. But before Jaimie's horrified eyes a second tractor beam stabbed out from the "frigate" and trapped Assault Pod One in its forceful grip. And aboard the Revenge the crew was a beat too late to release the tractor beam. The forward hull broke off the "frigate" just along the line Captain Arcolier had traced, revealing the thinner profile of

     a Cantrellan destroyer. Other portions of the frigate lines broke off as well, as the destroyer heeled hard to port and accelerated, pulling Assault Pod One with it.

     Impelled by the tractor beam and no longer attached to the destroyer the forward hull began to accelerate towards the Revenge. Spectrometer readings indicated it was abnormally massive and it sported its own engine as it began to rocket right straight at the pirate ship. Belatedly the tractor beam blinked out, but the false hull continued to close the gap.

     "Evasive action! Don't let that get close!" Captain Arcolier clenched her hands over the arms of her chair as Revenge lurched forward and began to roll.
(Tune in next week to see if Captain Arcolier discovered the ruse in time!)
(Next week's installment is live! Check it out here)
Read more

Games that nag

(Last week got surprisingly busy for me so few posts. And don't worry Captain Arcolier will have a post up on Web Serial Tuesday soon enough.) Last week I picked up Brain Age for the DS. It's an interesting title but I realized something. I don't like games that nag at me and Brain Age falls squarely into this camp. I bought it, tried it and thought "that was sort of interesting". Then I didn't play it the next day, and when I turned it own on the third day it complained about "missing me" the previous day. So today I thought "Hmm, maybe I'll play some Brain Age." and immediately followed that up with "Oh, but I didn't play yesterday, so it's gonna nag me." How is this a good feeling for a game to invoke? Pushing past this I turn it on and I want to solve a Sudoku puzzle. Oh no, Professor what's his head wants me to draw a hippopotamus first. There is no button for saying "I don't want to draw a hippo right now." The drawing tools in it are sucky, and even in just a few days I've learned to really dislike the drawing things. But the game in it's high and mighty wisdom decrees when I need to draw. My desires as the mere owner/guy who plunked down $20 are subordinate to whatever logic drives the drawing nonsense. So I just tapped the stylus on the screen and hit continue. And repeated that for the next two mandatory drawings. But it left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm sure when I stop using Brain Age it will be earlier than it would be if it just let me play when and how I wanted. What's weird is that this seems so entirely "un-Nintendo" at one level - but it's not. Animal Crossing (both the Gamecube and the DS version)? Constantly nagging you about spending more time in the game. You're not allowed to play multiplayer until you've finished the first hour or so of tutorial play. This is unfriendly game design and Nintendo needs to stop it. What's especially interesting to me is that this unfriendly "we control the horizontal" attitude seems linked to the games that are seen as reaching out to non-gamers. Is that really the winning strategy? I had less fun today with Brain Age because I felt like I was arguing with a stupid cartridge and I don't see why that wouldn't hold true for a non-gamer as well.
Read more